Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I intend to get homeless drunk
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
