I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
