and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are the jesus of drinking
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
