Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he thought i was a dude.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize