now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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