how can u be prego again
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize