Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
