You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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