Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
