Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
