At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
