Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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