he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
