I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
