i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
