he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
