Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
