East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
