Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
