yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
