Jerry, you need to find god
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
