I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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