1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
a search helicopter?!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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