after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
