so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
