dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
