even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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