This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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