omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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