i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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