Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
