There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize