I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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