Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
