the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
