I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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