Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
