Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
