it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i can't believe i had my finger in that
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
