Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
