...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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