Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize