I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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