I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
