I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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