I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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