so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
