she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How's work?
Spinning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
