Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
