My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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