Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
