peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
