Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
