I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
