I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
