am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
