Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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