One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
