If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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