I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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