white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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