porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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