Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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