we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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