Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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