I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
