It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So much rum. So many feels.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
