Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize