well I can't set my house on fire every night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
