my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
