goodnight i made you a song goodbye
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
