Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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