My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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