I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
