So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
