was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize