If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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