So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
