I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
