Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm going to jail i love you
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
