wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
