I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize