I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize